The victim

Dumbing yourself down. 

Why do you do that? Why do girls do that? Why?

Dumbing yourself down = Making yourself look or seem dumber than you actually are.

I understand the gender notions of how the male should be the breadwinner, the masculine sex, the dominant partner. However, how is having a brain compromising on any of those traits? 

A comment or a series of comment yesterday really got me thinking...

This is not meant to be a generalisation but it is in fact a comment that is made before of several observations. 

I study hard, I get good grades, I do well for myself. In its wake, I receive comments like "Don't worry la, you won't fail one la. You fail everyone else get zero already...". I understand that these comments are supposed to be encouraging and uplifting, but often times, I feel like these comments are very cursory in nature. It's comments like these that make me realise that people who care for you, would usually put in more effort into giving you more constructive comments than that. 

Aside from these comments, I've also received more ridiculous ones like "Aiya, girls don't need to do so well one la... Next time just get married and find a rich man to marry!" or comments like "You do so well, later your partner or boyfriend cannot keep up with you make him feel very bad leh..." 

First of all, this is archaic thinking. It's ancient, it's passed its time and it's definitely not one that should stem from someone being educated in the 21st century. But sadly, some of those whom i've received these comments from, are educated in the 21st century. 

Girls should just depend on their more dominant male counterparts, they say. Well if that's the case, why bother schooling? Why bother cultivating an intelligent and enquiring mind when all that's use for it is to leech off another? Why bother receiving an education when you evidently think that having a pair of breasts and a vagina is gonna get you a good life? How is that any different from prostitution, you tell me? To exchange marriage for livelihood expenses? 

Also, if ever your partner feels intimidated that you're doing so well and decides to tell you to dumb yourself down for him? Ditch him. 

You need to realise that this is a guy that cannot hold his own fort and needs others to build a smaller one next to his. You have to understand that this is a guy that is madly insecure and incapable of doing better, having the drive to recognise it as healthy competition in order to push himself to do better. 

Most importantly, you need to realise that this is a BOY. Not a MAN. 

No man would ask you down play your successes just so he could shine brighter than you. His false sense of dominance and superiority should be questioned NOT condoned. 

A guy who asks of a girl to do that is evidently worried, insecure and most certainly not matured enough. 

If he cannot appreciate having an intelligent counterpart to debate with, to challenge, to invigorate and to gain new perspectives, then he shouldn't be with you. 

Emmanuel would never ask of me to do that, it doesn't even cross his mind to request for something like that... That ladies, is confidence. That is drive. That is strength. That is called being secured. 

He is secured in his own skin, his own mind, his own thinking (which I absolutely love). 

That is one of the main reasons why I was so attracted to him in the first place. 

A man should celebrate your successes. He should be happy for you. As with both genders, if you fall short in your achievements, compare it against your progress. Yourself. If you feel that you could have done better, be it studies, be it in work. Then work. Strive. Move. 

Have that drive to achieve. See it as a little friendly competition where both partners motivate each other, encourage each other. 

That my friends, is the making of a healthy, sustainable relationship. 

Never down play your successes or your intellect for anyone. 

XOXO, 

Jocelyn