5 truths for the single
Hi there,
Currently off work and I decided to hit this space to dish out some helpful truths for the single and available peeps out there.
Being single seems to connote this negative implication that one is somehow, "incomplete" because he/she is single. (More so for the girl if you live in this part of the world: Singapore I mean.)
So here're my two cents worth of what I think being single truly means. I know some may call me a hypocrite because I am attached as I type this. But I was not always attached.
I went through heartbreak, heartache, depression and a hell lot more... Also, I've been single.
So before you nay sayers think that I don't know what I'm talking about...I do. I've been there.
1. You are alone.
Let's face it. The very essence of the word "Single" is singular! If you are single, you have to be prepared to go at things on your own. Embrace it. Own it. You are single. You are one. You are alone.
Here's one thing I really can't stress enough... Society has defined the word "alone" to be one that connotes sadness, loneliness and pitifulness. It shouldn't be. To me, "alone" should be viewed neutral. Or if any, it should connote feelings of empowerment, positivity and strength. Alone does not mean loneliness. Alone does not in any way make one weaker. Alone should never connote sadness.
When someone's alone, he/she should be admired for their bravery to do things by themselves and for themselves. They should be revered for having that independence and strength that many lack.
So you're single. You're desperately trying not to feel alone and vulnerable. But realise that you're so afraid of, that is being alone, is the main driving force in helping you become a stronger version of yourself. And the truth is... You're already alone. So embrace it.
The hard truth is that you're gonna be alone when you attend parties, or when you meet your friends and they've brought their other halves along. Sure, it'll make you feel like shit. Or it'll make you miss being in a relationship all that more but you're single. Does that kill you? No. Does that make you feel horrible? Probably.
But being alone has so many benefits all in its own. Being alone means not having to answer to anyone but yourself. Being alone means having the time to pursue the interests that you desire. Being alone means to have the freedom to eat the food you want, do the activities you want without any restrictions or compromise. It gives you the space to travel, to understand, to better yourself.
2. You are available.
Here's the next truth. Being single would mean that you're available. Perhaps for those fresh from a break up, this may not be applicable to you emotionally but physically, being single means you're available to the next mate. When I put it this way, it may sound crude or even crass, but animalistic-ally, it's the truth. Being single means a bigger dating pool. Of course I am not saying for you to automatically jump into dating the next male/female counterpart that walks your way. But what I am saying is that you have the liberty to date and go out with anyone and whoever you want.
Being single means you're in charge of who you want to see, when you want to see them and how you want to see them. (Hey, not judging at all ;)) You want to start feeling good about being single? Then embrace the fact that you are a-v-a-i-l-a-b-l-e! Put some effort into your looks. (Remember that mascara you haven't opened? Or that new dress you bought?) It's time to shine babeeehhhh.
If you're not in the mood for anything serious, no one is forcing you. Dating shouldn't be viewed as only for those "looking to get serious or get married". Neither should dating be seen as "only for the promiscuous". What many fail to see is that dating is a social affair. It's a social practice.
Dating expands your horizons, you learn more about other people, see the different types of people out there. Dating expands your network. Who says that everyone you date has to be your boyfriend? No! You could get meaningful friends out of it even though the purpose of dating may often be very well misconstrued. Therefore, it's necessary to set the rules at the beginning. Know what both parties are expecting and understand that if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. No hard feelings. After all, we're all in this pond together, hoping to swim into the right one isn't it?
3. You have plans.
People think that single folks have a hard time to plan for the future. They have no "significant other" and therefore, cannot plan for marriage, kids or even a family...
Do you think that's true?
Being single doesn't mean "sit and wait" or "wait until you die" before you have plans. My goodness. Can anyone be father from the truth? So you're single. Plan for yourself!! Instead of couples or families that plan for 2 or 3 or 4, you plan for 1.
Movie date for 1, Picnic for 1, Cafe date for 1. These sound really therapeutic! What about longer term plans? When I was single, I planned for the future too. I planned out what job I want to take, which internship i think is deserving, what savings plan i want to have and what activities I want to do. It is also through the planning I did that I met my current beau. I planned to go for an overseas community service program to help the Cambodian community and it was through the activity, I met the love of my life.
You know what's the one thing I didn't plan for? I didn't plan for him to happen. I didn't plan to meet anyone. That's the beauty of such unexpected love. That's the beauty of putting yourself first, your needs, your wants, your life.
Don't be fooled by society into thinking that you cannot have plans without a significant other. Don't be swayed by people/couples you meet who are so loving. They may or may not be truly that loving. Even if they are, wish them well. Your time will come. The adage: The grass is always greener on the other side. Single peeps wish to be attached and some attached peeps wish to be single.
My point is: When you plan for 1, plan for yourself, you will thank you. Because there's only one person you're gonna live this life with and that is with YOURSELF.
So treat yourself right, treat yourself well and prioritise your needs above others. Yes it maybe selfish but it is warranted. The world isn't gonna prioritise your needs. So do it for you.
4. You have an all access flirting pass.
So you're single and you're fabulous. Don on a sexy outfit and go out. Hit the town and paint it red. You're single! You should feel alive that you're out of a relationship that is going nowhere. One that tears you down and wears you out. It's time to feel revitalised and energised again.
It is also this time that you have all access flirting pass with anyone you fancy. No one's gonna label you anything because hey... the magical word: Single!
Flirting with the opposite sex or hey, even the same sex, can boost your self esteem, self image, confidence and even aura.
The witty banter between two parties can only serve to release more and more endorphins in your brain to have you swimming in the "feel-good" hormone.
Flirting can be a way to get to know someone better, feel that sexual chemistry and see where it goes.
When you're single, it spells: FUN. (That's not to say that when you're attached, you can't have fun, but the type of fun is different)
5. You will meet someone/someone(s).
You're single now, but you won't be single forever. You will meet people. You might meet the one. Before you begin to sulk that the post is coming to an end, know that your single status isn't gonna last forever and the time for growth, self-love, self-help and self-appreciation starts NOW.
How are you to become a better person and a stronger individual if you've never learnt to do anything on your own? Nothing spectacular comes from the comfort zone.
While you're still single, embrace the time, create memories for yourself. Create moments worth remembering for yourself. Some moments should be shared only with yourself. Enrich yourself with experiences, people and life so that when the right one comes along, you have stories to share, insights to give and an abundant heart that has learnt pain but yet is pieced back together by sheer strength, courage and love for oneself.
So my fellow readers, hopefully this post has done enough to inspire you to do something for yourself today. To create memories and moments that you will thank yourself for tomorrow.
XOXO,
Jocelyn
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